ups and downs, but more ups

My hip is feeling much better, which I’m grateful for.  This week I finally started biking again, which feels good.  I also started physical therapy and water aerobics.  My hips feel a little sore but not too bad.  Two weeks ago I was down a pound a half, but I missed WW last week due to work and a family emergency, and this week I was up slightly, which wasn’t really a surprise.

hip injury

I’ve been limping for a week now and it’s very frustrating.  My hips have always been creaky, every since I was a teenage and danced six days a week.  But in 2012 I had serious problems after flying to London with my almost 2-year-old on my lap for 7 hours.  When I finally got up my hips felt like they were burning.  When we got home I went to an orthopaedist who said I had bone spurs on my hips. I started physically therapy for my hip pain–I had already been doing physical therapy for my plantar fasciitis for a few months.  Since the fall of 2012 my hips have felt pretty good.  They didn’t really hurt during or after my second pregnancy.  I do sleep with a pillow between my legs ever since having my first daughter, though, since my hips just feel too far apart for my legs now.

Now the hip pain feels a bit different–sharper and more localized–and my doctor suggested I get an MRI.  I wonder if it’s a labral tear?  I should find out today or Monday.  Until then I’m using a cane to get to and from work on the train and subway!  It’s so frustrating and is making it almost impossible for me to do my usual exercise: stair climbing, yoga, bicycle riding, and my plank challenge.  Yesterday at my WW meeting, some other members suggested I use hand weights or keep myself busy with other hand-related activities to keep myself from eating mindlessly.  Any other tips?  I was up two pounds this week, which puts me over where I started back in December!  Argh!!!

exercising more but still eating like crazy

I’ve been exercising more, but I’m also breastfeeding and pumping less, and I’m still binging.  So I’m back up to my heaviest weight post-baby #2, and only 0.4 pounds less than post-baby #1. 😦   I’m now 1 pound heavier than when I came back to Weight Watchers in December 2013, post-baby #2.

I really do beat myself up inside.  I feel like such a failure.  Though the WW receptionist today was really sweet and helpful.  She reminded me that it happens, I’m thinking about it, trying something new, coming to meetings, and getting support.  Who knows, maybe if I hadn’t been going to meetings since December I would have gained 10 pounds instead of one…

I think what I really need is to find ways to soothe myself without food.  I need to find other things to enjoy.  And to remember that nothing tastes as good as thin feels.  I think I also need to drink more water.  I’m so thirsty all the time.

I’ve been thinking about doing Simply Filling for a few days to kind of reset my mind and hopefully decrease my sweet tooth a bit.  It’s been months since I first thought of it, but I think I’m actually going to do it.

I’m going to try to decrease the negative self-talk and turn it into positive challenges.  Here are some examples from the Mayo Clinic:


 

  • Practice positive self-talk. Start by following one simple rule: Don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to anyone else. Be gentle and encouraging with yourself. If a negative thought enters your mind, evaluate it rationally and respond with affirmations of what is good about you.

Here are some examples of negative self-talk and how you can apply a positive thinking twist to them:

Putting positive thinking into practice

Negative self-talk Positive thinking
I’ve never done it before. It’s an opportunity to learn something new.
It’s too complicated. I’ll tackle it from a different angle.
I don’t have the resources. Necessity is the mother of invention.
I’m too lazy to get this done. I wasn’t able to fit it into my schedule, but I can re-examine some priorities.
There’s no way it will work. I can try to make it work.
It’s too radical a change. Let’s take a chance.
No one bothers to communicate with me. I’ll see if I can open the channels of communication.
I’m not going to get any better at this. I’ll give it another try.

 

I’ve been depressed that I didn’t meet my 5% goal by my youngest’s first birthday.  So I’m going to set new goals:

  • Lose 5% by Halloween.
  • Lose 10% by New Year’s.
  • Get to my goal weight (-20 pounds) by my birthday (March 1, 2015)

I’ll give it another try!!!

motherhood

My youngest daughter is about to turn one on Friday.  It’s been tough for me to adjust to being a working mom of two.  I find that I spent so much time this past year just trying to survive and get enough sleep to function the next day that I haven’t had much time to focus on anything just for me. I’m going to try to have more balance this coming year; if I’m happy and feel like I get to do some things that I enjoy, I hope that will rub off on the time that I do spend with my family.

I took my first non-baby, non-family, non-prenatal, regular adult-only yoga class on Saturday morning, and I loved it! I used muscles I haven’t used in probably two years.  I challenged myself, but didn’t go too crazy.  I’ve been sore for the past two days–even my armpits are sore!  As I pump less and less at work I’m going to try to take a class or two on my lunch break, too.  Maybe Pilates, too.  I’m really looking forward to feeling strong and fit again!  And I just found out my company might start Weigh Watchers at work, which would be convenient and save me money that I could spend on yoga and Pilates classes. 🙂  I do like getting lots of steps on my FitBit walking all the way down to my WW meeting, though…

So, I didn’t reach my goal of losing 5% of my weight by her 1st birthday.  In fact, I’ve almost crept back up (yo-yo-ing) to my return-to-work weight.  On Thursday when I weighed in and saw that I gained back the 1.4 that I’d lost the previous week I was really sad.  I just kept thinking how disappointed I am in myself.  I keep repeating the same negative self-talk in my head: “You were only 7 pounds away from your goal after giving birth, and now you’re 17 pounds away!  What kind of idiot eats so much after having a baby?”  But then Friday I thought, “Enough!” What’s done is done.  I want to reach my goal, and it might take a little more time, but I was busy nurturing my children, returning to work, getting through the baby period, and applying to graduate school, and now I can spend more time on nurturing myself.  I need to stop comparing myself to my sister-in-law and other skinny people at work and on the street.  I am me.  No one else.  I successfully lost weight after my first daughter.  Really it was the most successful I’ve ever been at achieving a healthy weight since college.  I can do it again if I put my mind to it.  There, I said it.  I can do it!